As soon as you decide to Google, Divorce Attorney, or Columbus Divorce, you are already thinking about your future and fears of your new financial reality. “I don’t make enough money to live on my own.” Or “How much of my income will I have to give up to support my spouse and the kids?” “I’ll be living in poverty!”
A world of unknowns reveals itself in an avalanche of financial and emotional realities that must be dealt with. Despite the stereotypes around vindictive nasty divorces, my experience is that the vast majority of couples truly and sincerely want what’s fair for all involved.
What’s Fair? The problem here is that every person’s idea of fair is different. Depending on how much emotional wounding may have happened in the marriage, perceived wrongs that demand to be righted, apologies that remained unspoken, each spouse’s definition of “fair” may be miles apart. This is the simple truth that has created a multi-billion-dollar divorce industry. I think there is a different answer. What is equitable.
To get there you will have to come at the problem from a position vs interest way of thinking.
Position vs Interest. Positional thinking says,” I want the house”. Interest based thinking says, I believe it is in the best interest of the kids if we stay in the house, for now and then maybe work something out where we look for a smaller house in the near future”. It may not be entirely fair but it is a possible solution to move the process along and it follows the “what is in the best interest”, line of thinking.
Along those lines, what if you let go of the need for fairness? I know, sounds crazy but try this on for size. What if each party didn’t worry about what the other person was getting and sat down with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™/ Financial Advisor, and simply figured out what they need for themselves to be able to be ok? And then they sit down with a Collaborative Divorce Attorney and start from there? Maybe it’s not equal. Maybe it’s not “fair”. Maybe it just works! For everyone involved! Now that is a win/win solution! That is the reason we gave our group the name winwindivorce.org!
So fair schmair! Let it go! It doesn’t matter! Focus on the next phase of your life and how you can move on in a healthy happy way that will preserve your family unit for the future. As I always tell my clients, my goal is to help you be the best divorced family you can be, because you’re still a family.
This article was contributed by Donald Morris CDFA™, financial advisor and president of winwindivorce.org.