I picked up a book recently. Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzales. I do a fair amount of wilderness backpacking and thought it might be an interesting read. It was, but not for the reasons I bought it. Yes, it had great ideas about what it takes to survive in the wilderness when everything goes wrong. Turns out I saw similarities in the book between my clients, who come through divorce successfully, and those that didn’t.
When most people hear the word “survival,” they picture wilderness disasters, plane crashes, or mountaineers clinging to life on an icy ridge. But Laurence Gonzales’ Deep Survival reveals something far more universal: survival is a mindset, not a setting. The same principles that help someone make it out of the jungle can help someone make it through a divorce. The terrain is different, but the psychology is strikingly similar.
At its core, Deep Survival explores why some people fall apart under pressure while others adapt, regroup, and ultimately rise. Divorce—especially when unexpected or emotionally charged—creates its own kind of wilderness. Familiar landmarks disappear. Old maps no longer apply. And the person you thought you were may no longer feel equipped for the journey ahead.
One of Gonzales’ central themes is the danger of denial. In survival situations, people often cling to the world they wish they were in instead of the one they’re actually facing. Divorce works the same way. The longer someone resists reality—financially, emotionally, or relationally—the harder the path becomes. Acceptance isn’t surrender; it’s the moment you stop walking in circles and start moving forward with clarity.
Another parallel is the importance of emotional regulation. Survivors don’t let panic drive the decision making. They breathe, assess, and take the next right step. Divorce demands the same discipline. Emotional reactions—fear, anger, resentment—can lead to costly choices. But when you shift into a calmer, more deliberate mindset, you regain control of your future.
Gonzales also emphasizes using what you have, not what you lost. Survivors inventory their tools, skills, and strengths. In divorce, this means recognizing your support system, your financial resources, your resilience, and your ability to rebuild. You may not have everything you once did, but you have enough to begin again.
Finally, Deep Survival highlights the power of purpose. People survive because they have a reason to. After divorce, purpose becomes your compass—your children, your dignity, your independence, your desire for a healthier life. Purpose turns chaos into direction.
Both survival and divorce are ultimately about transformation. You don’t walk out the same person who walked in. But with awareness, courage, and a willingness to adapt, you don’t just survive—you emerge stronger, wiser, and more grounded than before.
If you’d like to know more about how I help clients move through divorce and succeed you can reach me at donald.morris@raymondjames.com
Donald Morris CDFA® President Central Ohio Academy of Collaborative Divorce Professionals